The online dating dichotomy

I have 454 Tinder matches and 2037 POF users allegedly want to meet me.

I've dated 17 people in the past two and a half years.

I went on multiple dates with just 5 of them.

I fell for 2. Both broke my heart. I remain single.

*stares at screen, shakes head slowly, shrugs*

Tinder, POF, Badoo, Match, Eharmony, Elite Singles, Skout, Beautiful People, Clover, Lovoo, OK Cupid, Bristlr, Bumble, My Single Friend.....*sings*.....and a partridge in a pear tree. There are a plethora of dating apps and I've tried an embarrassing number of them hoping to meet someone special. 70% of people I've dated, I've met through dating apps, the other 30% I met offline. I've lost count of how many people I've casually chatted to with it never ending in a face-to-face meeting. Now, with Santa once again failing to leave a nice man in my stocking, and having survived another Christmas as a singleton, I've come to the conclusion that dating apps are just a digital, double-edged sword that perhaps create more problems that they solve.

They are a great way to meet people that you might never ordinarily get the chance to meet. They are just giant virtual bars, where you scan the various faces inside before plucking up the courage to make that awkward first move. They are a useful solution when your social circle contains few fellow singletons and you spend more and more time sat on sofas drinking tea or in a quiet corner of a bar because it's kinder to ageing eardrums and spines. I'm not saying that such evenings are not enjoyable, of course they are, but the chances of Mr Right loitering in a friend's lounge are slim and a comfortable corner at the back of a country pub isn't exactly the dating front line.

One thing that can't be ignored though is that while dating apps definitely create opportunities for those looking for love, they also provide opportunities for truly horrendous people to hide behind their screens, intent on deceiving, cheating, lying and exploiting those who just want to find their "happily ever after". People who think nothing of wasting your time with pie-crust promises of dates that never happen or those who are sat next to unsuspecting partners, playing an endless game of "hot or not" simply to boost their flagging ego and appendage.

Indeed, it would seem that the mark of entering into an exclusive relationship these days is the mutual agreement to delete Tinder and other dating apps from your phones. However, I speak from experience when I say that the temptation for many to "just have a look" is often too great and it's likely to reappear, hidden from view among unused apps in a obscurely named folder. My heart sinks when a guy I'm dating declares that a friend has shown them how Tinder works, because at that point, the odds of further dates, or the relationship surviving, are slashed as they skip into the sweetshop of pouting pick n' mix never to return.

The fundamental problem with dating apps is that they dangle a heart-shaped carrot over greener grass and it's just too much for many to resist. It turns people into serial daters, preventing them from ever making a decision and investing any real time or emotion in one person. I've been on dates where the unique Tinder tone has provided an awkward soundtrack and I sigh inwardly, as I imagine Jim Bowen, with devil horns, sat on my date's shoulder. "Let's see what you could have won" he says, as he presents a flotilla of beautiful speedboats to trump my modest pedalo.

Having said all this, as I enter another year of single life, I'll no doubt keep my dating app profiles active, because I know for a fact that there are some genuine guys using them. Deep down though, I don't believe an app developer's algorithm is any substitute for good, old-fashioned fate, so maybe this year, I'll try to be a bit braver, get out there more and try some awkward offline flirting instead.....what's the worst that can happen?

#dating #relationships #love #Tinder #POF #apps #single #singlelife #2017 #onlinedating